August 25, 2010
BE AN OPINIONIST.
It’s OK. There’s no shame.
Because, let’s face it: not all opinions are created equal.
That’s the problem with democracy. Every dick has a say. And not everyone deserves one.
And that’s the same general problem with the likes of journalism. Monkeys with keyboards think they’re nicely balancing a story by giving an opposing point of view. Some crazy talking head. But some thoughts weigh less than others. And some have been over at the Shakespeare’s Tavern since lunchtime. So why give them equal space in your dying pages?
Things will be different when I’m in charge.
August 14, 2010
Be content with your place in life.
Especially if you happen to find that your place is suddenly behind that of that fit hot young blonde cycle chick from work who has somehow just managed to pass your ass while riding home.
Sure, you could go all macho and pass her right back, cos we can’t just lose to a chick like that time your little brother came second in a national building competition, getting beat by a girl of all people!
Or you could just sit back and relax and realize that there’s worse places in life to be than behind a nice Lycra-clad behind.
Mmmmm, sweet objectification.