… do New Year’s resolutions.
They are a dangerous waste of time.
Last year my brother resolved to “not take any shit from anyone, anymore”.
Then he went to the video shop to hire a DVD. He took it home and put it in his DVD player. He pressed play. But it wouldn’t play. So he tried another DVD player. It wouldn’t play. So he tried every device he owned that played DVDs. It wouldn’t play.
So he took it back to the shop, but they didn’t believe him when they said it wouldn’t play. Nor were they going to refund his money.
Remembering his new year’s resolution, he decided to argue the point. And, in what was meant to be the dramatic punctuation to his final demand for them to “Go Fuck Yourselves, Then!”, he threw the DVD down on the counter.
Unfortunately, as he did so, the case came open and the DVD flew out like a ninja throwing star in search of a store clerk’s forehead.
Then the police turned up.
And now he’s banned from the only Video store in the Northern Wairoa.
Which is an unfortunate resolution.